Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
