So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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