I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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