i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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