My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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