On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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