how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
