Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
