the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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