K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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