I'm lost and stupid without you.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
we're so committed to being not committed
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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