I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
