Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
