Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
