it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
