You don't have asthma, your pregnant
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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