I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
