She said her name was "party"
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
