WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
