How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
