just come out here and I will go home with you...
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
