I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
