cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
