I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
