So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
