Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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