NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
