I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
