halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize