my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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