we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
