I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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