It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
