don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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