he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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