Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
