Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
