What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You ate ashes out of my bong
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
