Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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