You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Someone came in the potted fern
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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