I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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