I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
