I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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