Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
