Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
