You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
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