Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
do nipples grow back?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
