Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Randomize
