Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
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