btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
