i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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