I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
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