A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize