I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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