You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
