Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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