it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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