Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(303): View more from Colorado

I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.

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(727): View more from Florida

He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...

Fav 11 4068 1909
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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?

Fav 4 2793 1098
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(210): View more from Texas

remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues

Fav 9 1011 1946
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(209): View more from California

Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!

Fav 8 2585 800
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(520): View more from Arizona

Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.

Fav 12 3282 1066
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(303): View more from Colorado

If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you

(303): View more from Colorado

Seriously. Castrate.

Fav 4 838 1123
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(304): View more from West Virginia

Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.

Fav 0 34 6
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(208): View more from Idaho

well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.

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