The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
So vagazzling was a success
I party with great urgency now.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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