don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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