She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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