No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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