Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You may now shotgun with the bride
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
