The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
