ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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