I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
