i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
either way he was missing a nipple.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
