I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
