bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
My vagina is very pro this idea
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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