i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
BRING THE BAGELS
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
