My friends, they love my intelligence
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
